I remember an instance when I was in my first year at university; I was full of the joy that comes with a new locale and an apparent new lease on life, and one of the ways my excitement was showing itself was in my manic joining of every single university society ('soc'), group or team that I could possibly join. Almost none of these ventures of mine really went anywhere: I sucked at the sports teams I tried out for (which, frankly, were some of the geekiest sports ever anyway, including fencing and "Ultimate") and quickly got bored of PhilosophySoc et al.
One group I joined was the RPGSoc, that is, the role-playing games society. My tenure with them did not last long at all. Despite having spent many a geeky Saturday in my teenage years playing Dungeons & Dragons and the Buffy the Vampire Slayer RPG with my schoolmates, for some reason I felt so incredibly out of place amongst the members of the RPGSoc that I actually, bizarrely, had a minor freak-out during my second meeting with them and ran out on them in the middle of a session.
The truth is, I just felt really out of place there. Sometimes I will encounter something that I enjoy immensely that I would still rather do with my friends and other people who casually enjoy it. Sometimes 'legitimate communities' turn me off.
It's like I said to someone who once asked me whether I was going to go and see The Mighty Boosh live: I love The Mighty Boosh, but I would absolutely hate to be in a room full of Mighty Boosh fans (since I'm not a teenage girl, I'm sure you can imagine why).
The point of all of these anecdotes? Sometimes I feel like I just don't belong in certain 'kink' or ABDL communities, no matter how much I'm into the particular kinks involved. Sometimes I feel like Bitchy Jones going to femdom clubs and wondering why on Earth a place supposedly dedicated to meeting my desires doesn't meet them in any way at all. I feel more out of place and alone than when I thought I didn't really have a community.
What brought all of this on? A recent munch I attended. Now, I know ageplay munches can go well. Hell, I've hosted one. Still, most of the time, when it comes to ageplay get-togethers, I (and Kitty too) really do end up feeling like we don't belong.
Kitty's solution to all of this is, of course, deceptively simple: make your own community. Kitty is somewhat an adept at this. Disappointed with most kink/sex communities and club nights, she got involved in making one of her own (which has now turned into something of a cult international sensation, thanks, in a very large and real way to her own efforts).
Now, I'm not sure what's going to happen with my own munch. The second one didn't quite go to plan and now I'm (temporarily) a few thousand miles away from where I'd like to be hosting one. Still, I'd love to continue with them when I get back. I'd love to continue with this Kitty-inspired experiment in seeing if I can create a community of people that I do get on with better, people with whom I have more than just my kink in common. It should be interesting.
As far as not feeling like a part of the group, maybe it could be that you lack an emotional connection with anyone in the present group. It could be that it simply takes you more time than others to warm up to a community. It's as if you have to know them intimately (that is, knowing each person as an individual and connecting on a deep friendship level)in order to trust them to feel comfortable with them. It sounds quite reasonable to me.
ReplyDeleteI love Kitty's suggestion of forming your own group. Perhaps a step further would be to invite as few people as possible that you would know so well that you'd feel at home with them.
I do keep toying with ideas about forming my own group. Even at the first picnic/munch/thing that Kitty & I threw we discussed some ideas about forming a kind of ABDL club proper at which we could both feel comfortable. I'm not sure if it's something I'll see realised soon, but as I keep having new experiences (like the "Ageplay Adventure") I keep getting more and more ideas about what I'd like to see and do if I were to start something like that myself.
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