and in other news

I'm going to an "Ageplay Adventure" this weekend. Wish me luck! I'm sure I'll report back afterwards with the good, the bad and the naughty.

feeling lost - making space

I keep finding myself in instances where, although I like what a particular community does/is about, I cannot find myself feeling like a part of that community at all.

I remember an instance when I was in my first year at university; I was full of the joy that comes with a new locale and an apparent new lease on life, and one of the ways my excitement was showing itself was in my manic joining of every single university society ('soc'), group or team that I could possibly join. Almost none of these ventures of mine really went anywhere: I sucked at the sports teams I tried out for (which, frankly, were some of the geekiest sports ever anyway, including fencing and "Ultimate") and quickly got bored of PhilosophySoc et al.

One group I joined was the RPGSoc, that is, the role-playing games society. My tenure with them did not last long at all. Despite having spent many a geeky Saturday in my teenage years playing Dungeons & Dragons and the Buffy the Vampire Slayer RPG with my schoolmates, for some reason I felt so incredibly out of place amongst the members of the RPGSoc that I actually, bizarrely, had a minor freak-out during my second meeting with them and ran out on them in the middle of a session.

The truth is, I just felt really out of place there. Sometimes I will encounter something that I enjoy immensely that I would still rather do with my friends and other people who casually enjoy it. Sometimes 'legitimate communities' turn me off.

It's like I said to someone who once asked me whether I was going to go and see The Mighty Boosh live: I love The Mighty Boosh, but I would absolutely hate to be in a room full of Mighty Boosh fans (since I'm not a teenage girl, I'm sure you can imagine why).

The point of all of these anecdotes? Sometimes I feel like I just don't belong in certain 'kink' or ABDL communities, no matter how much I'm into the particular kinks involved. Sometimes I feel like Bitchy Jones going to femdom clubs and wondering why on Earth a place supposedly dedicated to meeting my desires doesn't meet them in any way at all. I feel more out of place and alone than when I thought I didn't really have a community.

What brought all of this on? A recent munch I attended. Now, I know ageplay munches can go well. Hell, I've hosted one. Still, most of the time, when it comes to ageplay get-togethers, I (and Kitty too) really do end up feeling like we don't belong.

Kitty's solution to all of this is, of course, deceptively simple: make your own community. Kitty is somewhat an adept at this. Disappointed with most kink/sex communities and club nights, she got involved in making one of her own (which has now turned into something of a cult international sensation, thanks, in a very large and real way to her own efforts).

Now, I'm not sure what's going to happen with my own munch. The second one didn't quite go to plan and now I'm (temporarily) a few thousand miles away from where I'd like to be hosting one. Still, I'd love to continue with them when I get back. I'd love to continue with this Kitty-inspired experiment in seeing if I can create a community of people that I do get on with better, people with whom I have more than just my kink in common. It should be interesting.

mess

**warning - scat**

Kitty, being a relative newbie and naif to the whole ageplay thing, will sometimes ask me questions about the ABDL community that make me realise what an odd set of things I've normalised.

Kitty, coming across an article on stuffing oatmeal into one's diaper in order to simulate having messed oneself, asked me why people into diapers don't just mess themselves.

I initially answered that, weird as it may seem, a lot of people in the ABDL scene, despite its seeming focus on nappies/diapers, are actually about as poo-phobic and weirded-out by scat-play as 'normal' people. Still, Kitty looked at me and just asked me "Why?"

Indeed. Why? Kitty is very pragmatic when it comes to kink, you know, and is pretty much open to people doing anything as long as they do it safely and sensibly. Plus, as she said in a recent podcast interview (in which both of us talked about ageplay a little bit), one sees a bit of poo anyway when one engages in anal play, so really, sometimes one has to be a grown up about it and just deal with it. Don't get too squicked by poo.

So yeah, long story short, after thinking about what she'd said for a little while, the other day, I decided to have my first real experience of messing my Bambinos. I won't go into the gory details, that's not what this post is about. What it is about is realising that I can feel free to play around with my ageplay boundaries and even get a bit gross and disgusting sometimes (in a controlled and safe environment, of course) and realising that that's ok.

One big advantage to the oatmeal, however, is that you can get the 'just messed' feeling whenever you want, not just when you actually have to go.

Another big advantage though: if your early messing experiments do go a little wrong and end up creating a small mess outside of your diaper, I'm sure you'll feel a lot better cleaning up oatmeal.

Ok, that's singularly the most squick-tastic post I'll write for a while, what's next...?